I'm a celebrity, get me out of Iran

As one newspaper letter writer commented last week, there was a time when the convention for those captured in warfare was to quote name, rank and serial number. Today things have changed. When reading various bits of news and comment on the Royal Navy hostages in Iran I was wondering whether the armed forces were running their own version of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here".

Now that some of those captured are being offered large sums by news organisations for their stories it seems even closer to something we might expect in future to be hosted by Ant and Dec.

The delicate diplomatic negotiations and high level deals could be replaced by a television "vote off" system using premium rate calls, the proceeds of which could help Iran to expand it's nuclear power programme.

In fact the TV people should think about cutting out the armed forces altogether. All they need do is order a couple of rigid inflatable boats, get some camouflage gear and kit out their favourite C-listers. Vanessa Feltz, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, Linda Barker, David Dickinson - are they up for it? What price Iranian hospitality against a bush tucker trial?

A neat twist to this reality TV game, I suggest, is that the Iranians can keep everyone.