Things that bug me: 2. Escalator hogging

Very quickly when you live and work in London you learn to stand on the right hand side of the escalators in underground stations.

I think that Londoners must be taught such behaviour in survival classes before they can walk, it is so ingrained in their psyche.

So you always know when someone is blocking your path in the overtaking lane that they are an outsider.

Lost, confused, anxious, they are easy prey for the streetwise Londoner who sweeps them aside with a curt "excuse me." Unless, of course, the step is blocked by a thug with barn door shoulders and "love" and "hate" tattooed on each set of knuckles. In which case the otherwise confident Londoner stays schtum becoming timid and anxious himself as bolder types crowd behind him.

"Come on, move it. What's the hold up?" They don't actually say this. Commuter speak is conveyed through glances and subliminal gestures within the ant-like movement of people around the capital.

Strangely this disciplined escalator etiquette is abandoned once the underground traveller steps out of the tube and in to a department store. Department store? Relax, two abreast, let the escalator take the strain.

Nowhere is this more noticeable than in Bond Street tube station. You have just swept up the escalator two steps at a time, zapped through the barrier, and suddenly there, between you and the street is another short escalator clogged with people on both sides of the step. Significantly this is OUTSIDE the underground barrier. So all bets are off. You want to come past buddy? Foggedaboudit.