Puritanism in sport

Do you remember the England v West Indies test matches during the 1980s? They were colourful, noisy affairs with West Indies fans maintaining a rhythmic cacophony of sound by bashing beer cans together. Indeed it's that same tinny sound that inspires the opening theme of Test Match Special on Radio 4.

But you don't hear it any more. Looking at the back of my ticket for Saturday's play at the first test at Lords I found the answer. There was a clue in the £60 price tag on the front. On the back in small type it says: "Flags, banners, musical instruments, klaxons, rattles, fireworks and fancy dress costumes are not permitted in the ground."

Why stop there? Why not say: no smiling, no telling of jokes, no ribald laughter, no gestures, no whistling, no singing, no dancing in the aisles, no loud conversation, no breaking of wind?

The number of restrictions at Lord's reads like a bad case of old fartism; a little bit hypocritical too since some of the MCC members like nothing better than to put on their egg and bacon striped blazers. How can they of all people complain about fancy dress?

It doesn't seem as if the MCC is in any danger of accommodating the Barmy Army in the near future since there's no place for Billy the Trumpet. The strength of the culture clash can be gauged in the lyrics of the MCC song here, presumably sung to the tune of Alouette.